Knock On Wood
by radiany
Summary: [for Kitty Katsuya] Jounouchi makes an appointment to be kissed. Unintentionally, of course. [SetoJou, featuring chap stick, instinct, and things you never meant to say]


**Dedication **Kitty Katsuya

**Why** I haven't seen you in a long, long time o.O

**Labels **shonen-ai; hints of het; weirdness, weirdness, and more weirdness; metaphors; definite OOC; fluff; some profanity; drabble; oneshot; pg13

**[beforehand]**

Inspired by syrupjunkie's "Consummate." Much randomness ahead [meaning that it starts getting strange at the chap stick scene]. I think I misunderstood the definitions of "idiom"…

To Schuldich-muse: You were confusing me with your own confusions of the "anything that moves" and "his friend." I said "them," so I assumed that the reader would think plural –sw-. Thus, I haven't changed it. The "running for his money" is, I believe, a common expression [whether it's a Kaiba-thing or not]. A strangled look, then? As in "bewildered," "astonished," "what-the-heck-am-I-doing," "what-the-heck-are-you-doing"?

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**Knock On Wood**

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**id****i****om:**

**a**. A speech form or expression of a language that is

peculiar to itself grammatically or that cannot be understood from the

individual meanings of its elements.

**b. **A specialized vocabulary used by a group of people.

**example****: **_knock on wood._

Jounouchi's mad.

Kaiba can feel it all the way across the courtyard.

When Jounouchi gets mad, his anger radiates off of him in bright, red waves and he starts spitting fire at anything that moves (and was not his friend; in that case, he would snap at them, then realize who he was talking to and hastily apologize). Speaking metaphorically, when Jounouchi was mad, he became a walking light-bulb – though it wasn't to fill Kaiba's "miserable" life with color and joy. Quite the opposite, really.

This is mainly because Kaiba knows that Jounouchi's mad at him. He knows this because Jounouchi's been staring at him for the past ten minutes with a red hot gaze that, if he didn't know any better he would probably mistake for love or lust or something similarly impossible. If death glares could kill, he would be dead ten times over, because Jounouchi's stupid stare was practically _burning_ holes in his forehead and though he hated to admit it, he was getting twitchy.

He also knows that Jounouchi advancing towards him with a murderous look in his eyes means that Jounouchi probably wants to rip out his throat for completely, and utterly, humiliating him in front of the entire school (though Jounouchi had started it and that cup of pudding had really been quite lonely…). Jounouchi breathing in and out of his mouth like a mad bull while standing in front of him with his hands clenched also told Kaiba that he'd better start running for his money.

But Kaiba has been somewhat of a risky character himself, and why shoot down an old, but improvised, challenge?

The atmosphere begins to morph into the classic western duel scene, and Kaiba finishes the last sentence in his status report before saving the document and looking up. He narrows his eyes in a warning and watches as Jounouchi's turn into crimson slits. Heat flares in between them and all their senses are tuned to war and instinct. It's quite funny, really.

Jounouchi is the first to snap out an insult, "Kiss me."

Kaiba, acting impassively and with complete loss of self-control, merely sneers. "Fine."

There's a twisting silence. Jounouchi looks absolutely horrified at what he's just said, as if he never meant to say it in the first place, but when he hears Kaiba's retort…

If his jaw wasn't on the floor by the first comment, then it surely was now.

Kaiba's amused by Jounouchi's reaction for the first few seconds, but then the exchange finally sinks in and settles and Kaiba chokes on his saliva. He somehow manages to look cool and composed at the same time, with is just ridiculous and inhuman. Jounouchi doesn't know what to do but try and sputter out an answer.

Finally, Kaiba attempts to calm his breathing and fixes Jounouchi with a heated (yet strangled) stare. Jounouchi colors, but there's a determined gaze in his eyes and he's finally straightened out. "When?"

Kaiba looks at him like he's grown three heads; oh, he's definitely surprised. What _are_ they talking about? But he still clears his throat and opens a new document, nodding his head toward the back of the school with a (hopefully) nonchalant shrug. "After school."

Jounouchi leaves, wondering what the hell just happened.

When he rejoins Yuugi and the others, they give him questioning looks but he waves them off with a muttered "nothing."

After class, he pulls Anzu away from Honda and asks her if he can borrow some chap stick. Anzu gives him a strange look, but Honda's calling out to her so she shrugs and digs into her bag, pulling it out and tossing it to him before telling him that she wants it back tomorrow. Jounouchi just nods and fingers the cap, confused.

He feels _really_, really stupid afterwards.

Boys don't ask girls for chap stick.

When he spreads it over his lips (vaguely, at the back of his mind, a voice tells him that this is technically an indirect kiss), he finds that it's cherry-flavored. Although he knows that it's Anzu's, he can't help but groan and lick indignantly at his lips. Boys don't wear _cherry-flavored_ chap stick; and if they wear _any_ at all, it's regular with no flavors, and it's not _pink_ like the brand he has in his hands.

Damn it, this was technically his first kiss.

Suddenly he feels like he shouldn't be worrying over one little kiss, and that he's acting like a blushing, lovesick _schoolgirl_, and since when have guys worried about their chastity?

He doesn't know why he's making his way to the back of the school. Maybe he can go and laugh it off in Kaiba's face, unless Kaiba does it first and tells him how stupid he was for thinking that he could kiss the all holy lips of Seto Kaiba. But before he can elaborate the thought, Kaiba's staring at him with a curious look and Jounouchi's knees start wobbling around like jelly. Not good.

Then Kaiba's _advancing _(**that** isn't supposed to happen), and he's really _warm_ (which is just plain creepy), and Jounouchi thinks for a split second before their lips meet that Kaiba's just as nervous as he is. It's really sloppy, and Jounouchi can't help but grin because in all of his perfection, Seto "the light shines out of my ass" Kaiba is a really bad kisser.

He wonders what they're going to do after they stop to breathe, but then Kaiba's arms are wrapped around his waist and pulling him forward and Jounouchi has no where to put his hands but behind Kaiba's head.

He laces his fingers into Kaiba's hair (wow, it's _silky_), not caring if anyone's looking.

And he wonders if impossible things happen like this all the time.

**fin****.**

**[afterward]**

Started February 19th, 2004. Deleted, changed, and finished June 26th, 2004.

Written and modified in 174 minutes [2 hours, 54 minutes oO].

1005 words.

The first draft was an inward soliloquy [and denial] of Jounouchi's thoughts after Kaiba pulls him in a deserted classroom and proceeds to make out with him. That was inspired by Makiko Igami's "How to Seduce Angels."

It was interesting, but really…shrug, so I deleted the entire document and started fresh. This is just plain random though, so it's not much better. The "sun-shines-out-of-my-ass" comment is from Verucca Sonic's "Tell Me Something Good." The "instinct" idea comes from sunfreak's "Fleeting." The "something-impossible" idea is, well, from Cassandra Claire's "Something Impossible"; the "color and joy" comment is from_ "I am Draco Malfoy," Draco informed her haughtily. "Please inform the hamfisted dimwits who inhabit your tower that I am here to fill their lives with color and joy_," which is also from "Something Impossible."

Gods, I love that story :D

**endlog[****1:23 pm****]**


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